Emptiness of the Ailment

After talking to my personal friend Laura Fuentes, I realized that being in a marriage and having a terminal illness can change your relationship and life forever. Think about it this way, you are born healthy, have children (if children are involved), work and take on all the task of living a normal day to day life.

Then, you are informed you have a terminal illness. What does this do to your relationship? It can drastically change the way you live including your outlook on life, the way you see the people around you, the importance of things, the guilt of becoming ill, the feelings of being victimized and the anger of “why me.” Whether you have children or not, your relationship can be shattered. If you are dating someone, chances are you will not be able to make the relationship work. It is the most difficult and stressful thing to deal with.

This is the biggest spanner in the workforce of life that changes it completely where you are constantly dreading about the future and forget to live in the present and are constantly sympathized by well wishers and once the stress takes a toll both physically and emotionally you die even before actual death and there is little that Cialis can do in this regard.

Marriage alone is very hard and the occurring changes throughout with set back’s and growth through years of being together is minor compared to an added terminal illness.

The stages between couples:

Shock/fear-The shock of the terminal illness is the first stage of being informed. You feel an instant fear of what’s ahead, if your partner will be accepting and supportive of you. Both of you will have a fear of the change and whether you can handle the illness and on the other side if your partner is willing to deal with it.

Learning/informing-After the initial shock of learning that you have an illness, next comes the actual process of educating yourself, your children (if children are involved) and trying to include your partner with all the information about the illness. It may be frustrating and very discouraging when you first learn about the illness. Your partner may have no interest in being included in the information you are trying to share with them about what you will be going through. This can be painful knowing you can’t do this alone and your partner may feel the same frustration not understanding why they have to go through this with you.

Victim/why me-Then, there is the victim stage, the why me. Wondering why you feel so alone with the illness. Feeling as if no one understands or cares. Wanting sympathy and not understanding why anyone including your partner has no concern. This can be the most discouraging stage of the illness, because you really don’t know if your partner will stay along side with you. You don’t know when your illness will attack you and if you will be alone when it happens. It is very discouraging and it can bring on feelings of shame.

Anger/feeling alone-The anger sets in because you are not use too the outbreaks of the illness, you are unable to work or continue with your daily task. You feel alone because your partner doesn’t understand and doesn’t have an interest in the way you feel. It’s a disaster and a quick way to end a relationship. Your partner may not take your illness serious while in this process. It may take an actual outbreak before they come to terms with the fact that the illness is real. You know it’s real because you feel all the horrible effects of what the illness if doing to your body but no one can possibly understand since it’s within you and this can cause outbreaks of anger and change in your demeanor causing major relationship shifts.

Sometimes, it takes an eye opener for the relationship to work. Possibly when your partner actually goes through the process of actually seeing you in an outbreak of your illness and a hospital stay, feeling that they may lose you. Dealing first hand with the true severity of what the terminally ailment is about. Going through the actual stages of the illness rather than hearing you tell them what can possibly happen can make it easier for them to understand.

Some partners may walk away only because it is very hard for someone to adjust to such a big change in a relationship. Loss of who the person previously was. Loss of double income can cause more stress on both people. Having to deal with terminal illnesses can be destructive.

Your partner may feel just as alone as the person with the illness. Not knowing how to handle the downfall, the feelings of being lonely, or helpless. It’s very hard on both sides. It’s important for people to understand that it can work but it’s up to both people to make it work. Both the person with the illness and the person supporting them.

Laura Fuentes clearly states “I was superwoman before and it has been hard to relinquish that title. In a nutshell with the love and continuous support of her family and husband it’s worked. So, if you are in a relationship with someone that is terminally ill or you are terminally ill, understand that is a continuous battle and nothing will ever be “normal”, but what is?

It may not be easy dealing with a terminal illness; it may not work out for you while in a relationship. It is very hard on the partner with the illness. As they try to absorb the fact that they are no longer living the comfort of their “normal” life. The fact that they can no longer work and feeling no self worth. But if their partner is strong enough and willing to go through all the stages, all the ups and downs it can work.

It’s clearly up to both partners to make it happen. Just be compassionate if you are the supporting partner as well as if you are the one with the illness. And always remember it is hard on both partners with such significant change.